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Research has shown that parenting styles can influence the development of children's self-identity. Self-identity is who we perceive ourselves to be. This concept is linked to self-esteem, self-confidence and motivation levels.
Asian parenting styles have been long known to be quite different from that of other cultures. As parents, we tend to be very confined by our definition of who we are and who the child is from a collective point of view. We are very group orientated rather than being individualistic. Issues such as shame/pride are defined on a family level rather than on an individual level. Sometimes, this is not healthy and sometimes it is. Sometimes, it causes behaviour problems in children and adolescence.
FOCUS: Early Childhood and Childhood
For example, how many times have you said something like " mummy and daddy will be very upset with you if you don't get A's on your exams" or " what will people think of you if you keep on behaving badly?" So, essentially, what you are saying to your child is that he should define himself by what mummy and daddy think of him. You are also saying the good behaviour is essential so that other people will be happy with you. Again, defining the child in terms of what other's think rather than focussing on the child's individuality and making the child realize that their actions have consequences positive or negative onto themselves. Children raised this way, will always require validation from others.
Consider this alternative way of saying the same thing " wouldn't you be happy and proud of yourself if you got an A? Your hard work would be so rewarding wouldn't it?" Or, "if you behave well, then, we can go to more parties and visit more people."
Both statements are not incorrect but the latter builds self-identity as an individual and respects the child as his own person while the other builds self-identity as being part of a collective group placing more emphasis on other people rather than the child him/her self.
What is your parenting style? Are you consistent in your parenting methods and behaviour management? Do you mix your approaches and so, confuse the child, which leads to poor behaviour? Are you aware of your parenting methods?
Something for parents to ponder..
Look out for Pt 2 where I will focus on Adolescence
Asian parenting styles have been long known to be quite different from that of other cultures. As parents, we tend to be very confined by our definition of who we are and who the child is from a collective point of view. We are very group orientated rather than being individualistic. Issues such as shame/pride are defined on a family level rather than on an individual level. Sometimes, this is not healthy and sometimes it is. Sometimes, it causes behaviour problems in children and adolescence.
FOCUS: Early Childhood and Childhood
For example, how many times have you said something like " mummy and daddy will be very upset with you if you don't get A's on your exams" or " what will people think of you if you keep on behaving badly?" So, essentially, what you are saying to your child is that he should define himself by what mummy and daddy think of him. You are also saying the good behaviour is essential so that other people will be happy with you. Again, defining the child in terms of what other's think rather than focussing on the child's individuality and making the child realize that their actions have consequences positive or negative onto themselves. Children raised this way, will always require validation from others.
Consider this alternative way of saying the same thing " wouldn't you be happy and proud of yourself if you got an A? Your hard work would be so rewarding wouldn't it?" Or, "if you behave well, then, we can go to more parties and visit more people."
Both statements are not incorrect but the latter builds self-identity as an individual and respects the child as his own person while the other builds self-identity as being part of a collective group placing more emphasis on other people rather than the child him/her self.
What is your parenting style? Are you consistent in your parenting methods and behaviour management? Do you mix your approaches and so, confuse the child, which leads to poor behaviour? Are you aware of your parenting methods?
Something for parents to ponder..
Look out for Pt 2 where I will focus on Adolescence
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