Bullies and the Bullied - A follow on account

From the research I have read on bullying, while it may come as a shock to  most, BOTH parties are victims. I will explain.

First, we will examine the mindset of the person who bullies. If this person comes from a stable background and has a wholistic upbringing, chances are this person would not engage in the act of bullying. It is people who lack some form of emotional /social stability personally that find themselves having to prove their worth. This is accomplished by putting others down with words or in extreme situations, physical bullying. The person who engages in any form of bullying is typically someone who feels inadequate.  Bullies seldom act alone. The whole idea is to feel good and the best way is to have an audience or a set of "followers" who hero-worship him/her.

These inadequacies  are best of identified and addressed in positive ways such as cognitive behaviour therapy where an attempt is made to help the person modify their mindsets and provide them concrete ways of overcoming this struggle.

The one is who bullied also to some extent faces internal and/or external struggles. It is two ends of the same spectrum really. Personality traits of the victim is typically shy, timid, quiet and sometimes lacking in confidence. You almost never find a brave, confident and outspoken child or adolescent being bullied. The person who bullies is a good judge of character and is able to identify the victim by his /her demeanor. The victim typically is fearful of the bully to begin with and like a metal detector, the bully is able to easily pick out a target.

This is why it is important to know your child and understand the struggles children  and adolescents face both intrinsically and socially. The best way to get close to your child is by spending quality time with them. A happy child or teenager is more likely to share an experience than a lonely sad one. As parents, its easy to shrug off this issue because it makes us adults uncomfortable to realise that kids and teens face almost the same thins we do.

 If you suspect your child is being bullied, a useful way to get them engaged is to simulate a personal problem you have at work. Make it real, ask their opinions towards a healthy solution. Analyse the types of responses you obtain. Generally, you will be able to tell if there is an issue or not. Other signs, include withdrawal, sadness, lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy, mood swings, sudden weight loss or gain, binge eating or starvation.