Strong willed children vs strong willed parents

I would like to address the issue of behavior with strong-willed children who have strong-willed parents. Strong-willed children can present unique challenges, especially when they have parents with a similar temperament. However, with the right approach and techniques, both parents and children can have successful communication and establish a positive relationship.

Here are five useful techniques that both strong-willed children and strong-willed parents can use to improve their communication:

Encourage active listening

One of the most important aspects of successful communication is active listening. This involves paying close attention to what the other person is saying and making an effort to understand their perspective. Strong-willed children and parents can benefit from taking turns to listen to each other, without interrupting or getting defensive. Trust me, when I have implemented this techniques with families, it is the parents who tend to struggle more than the children. Children are always competing with the parents' gadgets for their time.

Practice empathy 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Both parents and children can benefit from making an effort to put themselves in the other person's shoes and understand their perspective. This can help to reduce conflict and promote better communication. No one likes to be constantly told what to do. Children are human too, and sometimes, they too, can have a "bad day". By validating their feelings and telling them that you understand what they are feeling, your teen or child will start to feel understood, secure in knowing that you are always going to be there for them to turn to!

Set clear boundaries and expectations

Most discipline and poor behavior in the home usually has its root cause in the lack of clear boundaries and expectations by parents. We all need rules to understand what is required of us and for us to function effectively in society! This is more of a necessity when dealing with strong-willed children and their strong-willed parents both need clear boundaries and expectations to feel secure and understand what is expected of them. 

Parents can help by setting clear and consistent rules, while children can benefit from understanding what they can and cannot do. Be reasonable and age appropriate when setting these boundaries and rules. Understand that you cannot treat a teenager like a child. Dealing with teens requires the use of stating the rule and than justifying it to them. Teenagers are mini-adults. They are often challenging to deal with because they are exploring their own personalities and trying to figure out their personal identities.

Use positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging positive behavior. Parents can use positive reinforcement to reward their children when they exhibit desired behavior, while children can use it to reinforce their own positive behavior and build self-esteem. This is another technique that is poorly executed by most parents. They over do it with the positive reinforcement! 

For example, positive reinforcement for not using nasty language could sound like this:

Teenager

 "Well I'm glad that you chose this (word)  today. It was a good decision." It does not always have to revolve around physical rewards.

Child

" Mummy thinks (name of child) deserves a star on the star board for choosing a "nice" word today during lunch."

Practice open and honest communication

Open and honest communication is key to establishing a positive relationship between strong-willed children and their parents. Parents can encourage this by being transparent about their own thoughts and feelings, and children can do the same. Both can benefit from taking the time to express their thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. 

This technique is never easy to implement. Parents typically become used to barking out orders - " stop yelling," " put your clothes in the laundry," "turn off the computer," etc etc etc.

 Instead, try the following: " It is too bad the clothes or toys have not been put away because, I thought, after dinner, we cud play a game of (board game or cards)." "If you follow the rules without being told for this whole week, I think we can go to the (park/ museum or have a play date) this weekend." Give them incentive to do what you expect them to do. But the trick, is always be consistent!

In conclusion, strong-willed children and strong-willed parents can benefit greatly from effective communication techniques. By practicing active listening, empathy, setting clear boundaries and expectations, using positive reinforcement, and having open and honest communication, both parents and children can work together to establish a positive and respectful relationship. It is important to remember that every individual is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. Therefore, it is essential to be patient, flexible, and willing to make changes to improve communication.